


Tear In My Heart

by cherry3point14



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A drabble of Dean feelings, A songfic that isn't a song fic, Basically that's all this is, Dean feelings, F/M, God he has so many feelings, I AM HAVING ONE OF THOSE FEELINGS DAYS, I'm just having a DAY ok, Just based off a song but not involving the song ya dig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 20:04:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15758727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherry3point14/pseuds/cherry3point14
Summary: Written from the below prompt (by nonnie on Tumblr):I was thinking that Tear in My Heart by Twenty One Pilots would make a great Dean drabble.





	Tear In My Heart

When he wakes up in the morning and shuffles into the kitchen she’s there, normally already on her third coffee. He complains if she hasn’t made a fresh pot and eventually he starts waking up to a mug already poured for him.

On hunts, he calls out her name with Sam’s to make sure they’re the last ones standing. They’re not always in sight but they always answer his voice. He still calls out when he can see her because that’s when she turns to him completely like her body is trained to answer him, and she grins once she can see he’s fine too. She can be covered in blood and guts with a knife still in the bad guy, but she still smiles bright enough to rival the sun.

He hates her music. She unapologetically loves cheesy songs from the eighties. Sometimes there’s a little crossover in their tastes, it was a good decade for rock music, but then in the next breath, she’s trying to make a case for Wang Chung or The Bangles. Except for one day he walks past her room when she’s singing Don’t You Want Me Baby and he can’t get the song out of his head all day.

Dean considers these quirks. Little things that individually don’t mean a whole lot. Because that’s mostly how he thinks about her. As a series of little quirks. Dean doesn’t want to do the math and put it all together because the little things can't hurt him on their own.

He’s tired. He keeps himself together like a broken ornament. He’s a mess. He’s a series of cracks and one day there will be more glue and tape holding him together than there will be pieces of him left. For all the things he’s survived, for as long as he’s kept on trucking, that will be his end.

He doesn’t see a way out of that most days. Most hunters die bloody but Dean will die broken. It doesn’t seem so bad for a life spent with his brother, in recent years with her, a life spent saving the world.

Maybe you could say he’s dull to it all now. Numb. Going through the motions.

For some reason that changes on a drive like any other.

Driving back home along a dark highway the stars light up the way. For how late it is the windows are still rolled down a crack because it’s summer and it’s warm. The air is thick and humid, still stifling at night if fresh air isn’t circulating the car.

She’s talking about something she wants to watch on Netflix the next day and she’s so excited about it. She’s been talking about it for days, annoyed that the hunt made her late to watch it when it premiered. He deadpans that he’s sorry stopping two ghosts haunting the same family was such a hardship for her. She accepts his apology and tells him not to let it happen again.

He tries to remember what it was like to get so excited over anything the way she’s excited about a show he’s already forgotten the name of.

Eventually, she falls asleep and he carries on driving in silence. She can’t go longer than forty minutes in any moving vehicle without falling asleep, another quirk. If it’s the middle of the day, he ramps up a song to wake her because she laughs it off but at night he lets her sleep. She still enjoys sleep. Someone should.

It’s only at the last second that he remembers the potholes in that stretch on the interstate just outside of town. On the way out he’d gone over them and ignored the bump in the car, a few potholes wouldn’t hurt Baby at the speed he was driving anyway. Now he swerves when the headlamps illuminate them. The road is empty, and he doesn’t want to wake her up till he’s got her home so she can sink straight into her bed.

Now the potholes annoy him. She’d almost stirred just from the sudden movements of the car. It’s the interstate why are there even potholes anyway? Isn't that what taxes are for?

He remembers that he doesn’t really pay taxes. Maybe that’s what’s stopping him from becoming a full-on grumpy old man, he can’t complain about shit like this.

She settles once the car is straight again so he keeps it steady the rest of the way. He only checks on her a few times, curled up like a cat in the passenger seat in a way neither he or Sam could ever do. Her eyelids flutter once and he sucks in a lung full of air in case his breathing is too loud. Her hair falls in her face and he brushes it back, taking more time that he should while driving to make sure he does it slowly and softly.

Dean parks in the garage and carries her to her room, she stirs in his arms but only enough to offer him a sleepy smile and curl into his chest. He's a little less numb all of a sudden.

The next day she asks him if he wants to watch her show on Netflix and he agrees, letting her explain the intricacies of the plot he’s missed from the first two seasons. He doesn’t tell her he’s seen the first two seasons, instead, he just listens. Watching the way her mouth moves and how the lines on her face get deeper when she’s mad about a storyline.

It’s a risk caring about things. If he cares, it’s all the worse when they get taken away. If she leaves it might cut him worse than he’s ever been.

She nudges him and points out a character who's her favorite. She has favorite things.

Dean thinks that caring might be worth the risk.


End file.
